The Motion of Emotion
by Philotheas
Summary: Chapter 3 up! summary :Mello must decide... To love or to hate? M/N
1. I Thought

Warning: I do not own the Death note or its charaters…unforunately. This is a Mello/Near story. Yes that means Yaoi. There will be violence, there will be blood, there will be lemons and what ever else inappropriate I can fit in I will try to fit in....because... I just like it.

Unfortunately I have a soft spot for fluffy first chapters.

"_The butterfly never meets its mother. It must survive independently and remains a stranger to affection. An animal nurtured by mother's milk, however, is dependent on another for its basic survival. A child who grows up in a cold and detached home environment is similar to the butterfly, in that kindness is sparing. Once an adult, it will be very difficult for that person to show compassion_."

I raised my head staring at the white haired boy sitting in that isolated corner he always sat in, casually playing with the toys littered all around him like an impenetrable fortress of soulless beings built for his protection.

"Mello?"

I blinked. "Huh?"

"What are you staring at?" Matt asked keeping his eyes focused on the game he was playing. I took a bite out of my chocolate bar and brought my eyes back to the book I was reading.

_A gentle motion of flapping wings.  
_  
"A butterfly."

**The Motion of Emotion  
**  
**By: Philotheas**

There are days when I lock myself up in my room and I am unable to move an arm or a leg, I barely even blink, I just stare out my window and let my endless swirl of thoughts wrap itself around my until I am tightly snuggled and confined within them. These were one of those days. After recess I headed straight to my room and collapsed lifelessly on my bed. Roger appeared awhile later and asked me why I skipped my remaining classes.

"I don't feel good." I explained

"Why, are you sick."

"…."

"My head, it hurts a lot." I emphasized, placing my hand on my hand and wincing.I wasn't really sick and my head wasn't really hurting but I knew if I told him that it would make him leave.

"Well alright, I'll send the nurse up to check on you."

"Ok"

"Your work will be sent up later, understand?"

I nodded and turned my head burying my face in the pillow next to me until I heard the door shut. Sighing I pulled the pillow down to my chest spreading my arms out on the bed.

I've never really taken notice until today, how lonely Near must be. Though, I can't stand him most of the time. It's still kind of…

_Sad _

No matter what happens, I know I have Matt to talk to, in any event that might take place, Matt's always there, but Near he has…

_Nobody_

I laughed a little maybe that's what he deserves, with that pompous; know it all attitude of his. He thinks he better than me. He doesn't deserve the company of others; he deserves to be…

_Alone._

I found myself thinking like this, thinking about Near, thinking about his _feelings_ all of sudden because… Near did something today, something I have never seen him do in the five years I've known him.

"A butterfly?" Matt asked looking up from his game, "In the middle of winter?"  
he looked around.

"You liar"

I coughed. "It just flew out the window."

Matt narrowed his eyes. "The window's not even open wise guy"

"It was… a magical butterfly."

"…."

"Pfft" I couldn't keep a straight face.

"Lay of the chocolate will ya" Matt responded unpausing his game. He rose to his feet. "Anyway I'm gonna head to class early, you coming?"

"Nah I'll wait for the bell."

" Matt shrugged"See ya in class then." his eyes never leaving the game as he retreated out the oak wood doors.

I focused my sight back to Nears corner where I could see, through the glass window above, the sun slowly setting down into the horizon; its dying rays flickered weakly within the room, over dusty old books, and outdated furniture, onto the foil of my chocolate and over Nears scattered toys but it was when that dying flame reached Nears eyes that I saw it; something glistening in those pair of obsidian opals. His arm had been zooming slothfully in the opposite direction, a toy clutched tightly in his hand and it was at that moment I registered the image of tears in Nears eyes. The sun set them ablaze as if they had suddenly been set on fire, causing Near to squint slightly, and allowing the liquid flames to escape and flow freely down his pale cheek. My eyes widened.

"He was crying."

But not in the way you and I cry. His brow neither raised nor furrowed, his nose never wrinkled or flared, and his mouth didn't frown or tremble. His expression remained as it was, still and stoic, his eyes blank like a lifeless doll even though so much emotion flowed wildly out of them. He didn't stop to wipe the tears away, he didn't turn to try and hide them. He just let them fall over his clothing, and on floor continuing to play with his mountain of toys. I took a huge bite of chocolate before I decided to walk over to him.

"Near…?" I said raising a brow.

"Hm?" he slowly dropped his arm and looked calmly up at me.

"You're…crying."

"I am?" he casually touched his cheek

"Oh, I hadn't noticed" My eyes widened further in disbelief. I bent down to my knees and outstretched my hand towards his blank eyes.

"You're an idiot" I said wiping away his tears.

"You solve all these damn puzzles in a matter of mere seconds but can't even solve the puzzle to your own feelings?"

"…"

Near brought a finger to his hair.

"How…how do you solve a puzzle you've lost all the pieces to?"

My hand stopped.

"_Briing…. Briing_" the sound of the towers bell rang loudly throughout the walls of the room and for all who heard it, knew that it was signaling the start of evening classes. Near rose to his feet cradling an abundance of toys in his small arms. Without saying another word he vanished through the exit door leaving no trace of his presence behind and leaving me with an enlightening thought.

His words and been so simple, it was hard not to understand.

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I have to end it here; I just have to… my hands hurt. … There are probably many mistakes. I'll fix them later… To the readers who are liking it so far please drop a review…that is the sustenance of my writing force, I can't transform without them…

-Philotheas


	2. Communication is key

Do most stories have anything to do with their titles? Lately Ive been reading stories of the like. Hope I dont end up like that... If it even matters...

**Chapter 2:Communication**

* * *

"What do you think it is?"

"What, what is?" Matt raised his head off my desk depressingly, his psp held limply in his hand. He hadn't been able to get out, what he called "the temple of doom" for about four hours now; he sat there with the agony of defeat slowly setting in.

"I think there's something wrong with that kid."

"Who?"

"Near"

Matt groaned as I rolled onto my belly and reached over the edge of my mattress so that I could easily access the secret stash I had hidden underneath it.

"Did something happen between you guys?"

"No." I answered tearing off the foil casing to my chocolate.

"Are you sure?"

"Yea"

"Then why, for the past three days, has Near entered ever conversation we've had?"

I shrugged. I hadn't noticed until Matt pointed it out. _Have I really been talking about him that much?_

"You're over exaggerating." I said brushing the comment away with a hand.

"Oh yea, yesterday you asked me-"

_"You think Near`s allergic to chocolate? I gave him some of mine today and his face turned all red."_

"Or the day before when you said-"

_"You think I can communicate with Near if I just stare at him with a blank face._

"I mean come on; you're starting to sound like you actually care about him."

"…"

Matt turned in his seat.

"You don't actually care…do you?"

I bit hard into my chocolate bar avoiding Matt's eyes.

"Are you serious, I thought you hated him?"

"I do, but I'm just a little curious about him."

"What's there to be curious about, that kid is so strange, and pale. Matt said, his eyes squinting exaggeratedly.

I laughed. "What do you expect he never goes out."

"Who cares, just leave him alone."

I was taken aback by the serious tone of Matt's voice. He stared at me for a moment, as if he was trying to tell me something without the hassle of words, but I just could not translate them. His eyes widened.

"Ah, that's it!" He smiled bringing his game back into the center of his attention.

"A wall of illusion. He clicked his teeth, so simple."

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Later in the day after dinner I headed to Nears room and knocked on his door.

"knock knock" no answer.

"knock knock"

"…."

I stared at the knob my hand now rested upon before I slowly started to turn it"

"Creak"

"I opened it; realizing there was no one inside, the room was quiet and dark all the curtains had been drawn over the windows deliberately preventing any light from entering the room. I walked into this unfamiliar space unsure of what to do next. So I did the next best thing. I searched blindly for the light switch.

_Flip_

There ahead of me lay Nears things placed strategically about the room, completed puzzles took up one corner and little action figures stood tall and proud surrounding Nears bed like soldiers protecting a castle, cards, domino's and dices each had there own spot where they were preciously mounted a top one another in the shape of small buildings, within the room.

I looked around for a bit before something suddenly caught my eye. A picture set perfectly in my field of vision a top a tall dresser near the window. I picked it up. It was a picture of what looked like a park, or an open field or…something. "Where is this place?"

"What are you doing in my room?"

I turned around suddenly knocking down Nears tower of cards with the wind my sudden spin created.

"O..oh so you were in the bathroom" I fumbled noticing the robe around Nears petite frame.

"Do you need something?" he asked casually.

I shrugged. "Uh no, just thought… you might be in the mood to talk… or something."

"Really…" He said in a tone I confused a being sarcastic. I found my self getting really angry all of a sudden. That voice of his, like he just doesn't care about anything. Like no matter how much I try…Argh It annoys me so much. Why did I come here?

"You know what forget it; I don't even know why I came here." I said angrily heading to the door.

"…"

"Wait." He said softly stopping me in my tracks.

"What?"

"Actually, I thought … it would be nice for us to sit and talk… for a change." I turned around expecting to see Nears usual blank face but to my utter surprise barely there, but there none the less, was a small innocent smile though it disappeared before I could fully register it and was replaced by Nears usual expressionless stare but I could not deny its existence of the smile I just saw. I closed the door forgetting my intention to leave. "Fine." I followed him with my eyes as he quietly walked to his dresser and carelessly threw off his robe tossing it to the floor as pulled out a white buttoned up shirt to wear. A brief stare and I embarrassingly averted my gaze blushing slightly at the sight of Nears flawlessly pale skin.

"Uhum" I coughed.

Near glanced over his shoulders. "What is it?"

"Nothing" I said trying not to sound nervous. He started for a moment before he redirected his eyes and buttoned his shirt.

"…It's alright to stare…I don't mind." He said nonchalantly He bent down and started collecting the cards I had dropped earlier.

_What!? Who says something like that? Wait is he seriously not putting any pants on?_ I stared down at his bare legs and felt something drop deep down within the pits of my stomach.

He walked over to me shuffling the cards in his hands. "Pick one." He offered. I eyed him skeptically. "Go on, but don't look at it."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons"

"I don't like that answer."

He sighed. "Please."

"…"

I clicked my teeth pulling a card out from the deck, he took it from my hand immediately giving me no chance to steal a glimpse of it. He stared at it for a moment, before looking up at me. My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What, what is it?" I said trying to snatch the card out from his hand. He turned swiftly.

"I see." He shuffled the cards again before placing them on top of his dresser.

"Are you seriously not going to tell me?"

"Maybe later" he answered.

"Anyway…" he started, picking up the toys around his bed and placing them in the wooden chest at the end frame."...I'm not a good conversationalist so you start."

"What do you mean me? This wasn't my idea."

"Yes it was."

"No, I wanted to leave, you stopped me."

"Yes but before that you said that you thought I would be in the mood to talk, did you not?"

_Oh yea I did say that._

"I don't remember that." I lied.

"…"

"Fine then go."

"…"

"Okay maybe I do remember… a little bit here and there, but listen I just.. want to know why you act the way you do and,that's all." I said stupidly not really knowing what I was asking for.

"How do I act?"

"Like that!" I said pointing at his blank face.

"Maybe I should ask you why you act the way you do."

"How the hell do I act!?" I yelled

"Like that." He said dully flapping his arms. "Kaboom." I glared at him.

"…"

"Stupid dumb fuckin ass."

"…"

"...."

Near slowly brought a hand to his mouth, covering it tightly to the point his face turned beet red. It was when he removed his hand I realized he was holding back the urge to laugh his lips curled like a cheshire cat and he looked dead at me with his big childlike eyes. "I've been trying to deny it, I've been trying to hide it but to tell you the truth I think Near, Near is really cute…really… only when he`s smiling though…yeah. Now that I think about it.

I sighed.

"Is there a problem."

"No"

"..."

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"You."

His eyes burrowed unblinkng into the very depths of my retinas. _How can he keep his eyes open like that for so long? _

" Usually I cant stand the sight of you...I completly detest you, I wish you would burn, choke and die on a piece of-"

"Okay I get your point"

"Yea but lately I havent been feeling that way...ever since I saw you crying."

"I wasnt crying" he said staring at his thumb. I was...discharging an accumilated amount of moisture from my eye."

My eyes dulled.

"Bull shit"

"If you dont wanna tell me why you were crying you dont have to that`s your business all I want to say is...

"I can tolerate you now."

Near remained expressionless.

"And that means....?"

"Whatever you want it to mean."

"Just know...if you got to get anything of your chest you can...come to me."

Nears panda like eyes bore into mines fixedly.

"Okay."

* * *

Hmmm....where do you think this is going?....Im not sure myself haha. Provide me with a bit of enthusiam. Review!


	3. To Love or to Hate

I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while but I'm here now! Thanks for the reviews Jest, Remy and Julih! I see I've gotten many hits that means people are reading but not reviewing…:pouts: oh well.

Chapter 3: To Love or to Hate

I usually sleep in until late afternoon on a Sunday but today I woke unexpectedly from a slight touch to my shoulder. I opened my eyes suddenly; my vision slightly blurred ,even though, within the darkness of my room I could still make out the white hair, and obsidian eyes that could belong to only one person.

"Near?" I said sleepily.

"Did I wake you?" he whispered.

"Obviously" I sat up, shivering slightly. "What time is it?" I asked searching blindly for my clock. "4:00…I think." he replied blankly. My eyes narrowed. "Are you serious!?" I sighed dramatically, plopping my head back on to my pillow. I pulled my blanket over my head. Near gently tugged the blanket. "What!?" I angrily poked my head out of my cocoon. "….."

"You said if I ever needed to- never mind." he ended swiftly heading towards the door.

My eyes widened in realization.

"Oh I-wait!"

"Its ok." he closed the door to my surprise quite gently. He didn't sound upset, but with Near who would be able to tell? I stared silently into the darkness surrounding me and sighed frustrated.

I should hate him.

I need to hate him,

Because if I don't I might start feeling something,

Something I shouldn't be feeling towards him.

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I got to class early despite the rude awakening earlier, and I arrived mentally prepared for any challenge that may be thrown at me. I was now back on course with my goal fully reinstated to its former position: Defeat Near and take your rightful place of first in line to succession.

I stared briefly at the white haired boy sitting only a row away from me his attention fixed solely on the board ahead of him. Look at him, trying to look all high and mighty. Mind you Near was slouched in his chair looking at the bored as if in a minute he would fall asleep but that did not concern Mello. I continued to stare, at his hair, at his skin, the movement of his childlike eyes and the undeniable pout to his lips I rested my chin upon my hand and lowered my gaze to the smooth beige surface of my desk. Why am looking at him? I need to focus so I can become better than him. I opened my ears to the teachers words but It was futile, I couldn't concentrate. My mind was helplessly consumed with thoughts of Near.

The bell rang and I jumped out my seat somewhat eager to get a hold of Near. I followed him out the door into the crowded hall, down the corridors. I wanted to say something but I couldn't, I wanted to stop him from walking away but I couldn't. Something was preventing me from doing so. I swallowed a couple times, my nervousness had caused my throat to dry. Why am I nervous?

I outreached my hand ready to catch Nears attention.

"Ne-"

"Hey!" a high pitched voice called out from behind me. I turned then glanced back. I lost him. Sighing I addressed Linda with my most uninterested tone of voice.

"What do you want?"

" Notes!" she said cheerily. I gagged inwardly. There was this one part in biological psychology I didn't understand to well or at least didn't agree to well with.

"What part?" I inquired hoping my inquiry would get her straight to the point and this conversation ended with.

"Well mostly on the topic of hate. You see I think hate is the imitation of love."

"What?" I said a bit taken aback by her statement. "Why do you think that? I was now curious of her opinion.

"I mean…to me" she hesitated. "Hatred is self-chosen bondage to another in order to give meaning, structure and connection to a fragile self." I looked down at her in thought as she continued.

"The lie of hatred is that it can connect a person with others as love does, without risking love's vulnerability and heartache." she laughed childishly. "I guess you can say hate's dirty little secret is that there is pleasure in destruction.

"Sooo I need your notes so I can understand this concept a little better."

"Yea sure." I agreed slightly impressed as I searched my notes.

"I have to say I wasn't expecting something that wise to come from you."

"Hey just cause your on the top list in brains in this school doesn't mean the rest of us are completely incompetent." she retorted sticking out her tongue as she took my notes.

"Yea, yea well you got me thinking which is a first on your part."

"Meanie."

"Yea? How do those notes feel? Good?"

"Yup!" she answered happily skipping away.

"You better hurry or you'll be late to class."

I stared after her retreating form before a small smile slowly crept upon my face.

Hatred? The imitation of Love? No way.

What a stupid idea.

Love is completely different from hate.

Completely…

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Classes didn't end until late-mid afternoon causing a stifled yawn to escape me as I exited my last class.

"I'm beat." I said tiredly to an equally exhausted looking Matt at the entrance to the Main house. "Same here" He said immediately pulling his gaming device out his pocket. How ironic.

"Didn't you just say you were tired?"

"Never to tired for video games."

I rolled my eyes "Of course".

"Anyway, I think I'll sleep a little before dinner, so I'll be up in my room."

" I want to come to."

"Where?"

"Sleep with you." he said staring at me seriously. I stopped standing as still as a statue.

"Ha-ha I was just joking!"

"Oh.." I rubbed the back of my neck embarrassingly.

"Man, you take everything so seriously."

"Sorry"

"its ok"

"I'll wake you when its time to eat okay?"

"Alright."

I got to my room with nothing in particular in mind of what I should be expecting. I mean one would expect their room to be in the exact peace they left it in, and all was in such peace of course all but the bed I was to take my short nap upon. For a small pale skinned boy had decided to intruded onto this space and I found him sprawled over the surface of my sheets.

"What are you doing here!?"

"I was waiting for you?"

"Why?"

"Because you were following me today." I felt the blood in my veins rush to my face.

"No I wasn't."

"You was, he said calmly getting off my bed. And I want to know why."

I wasn't following you. I hate you."

….."

"That wasn't what you said yesterday."

"Yea well today is not yesterday."

…."

He gazed emotionlessly into my eyes.

"Your right." he answered, heading past me. I pinched my nose frustrated.

_Just let him go."_

_"If you let him go that's it."_

_"You can go back to hating him all you want."_

_"The door's opening."_

_"Make your choice_"

Near stopped feeling a hand grasp his wrist. He turned to Mello a hint of curiosity reflected in his eyes.

"Wait." I said calmly pulling Near back into the room.

"I... want you to stay." and with that I slowly closed the door behind us.

_Is hate really the imitation of love? I guess in this case...it maybe._

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What the hell? What did I come up with? Nex chapter is going to have to be a lemon dont you think? i pretty much set it up that way hehe And just because he asked him to stay doesnt nessesarily mean he choose love him Imma tell you right now, this is going to be the most strangest relationship every had by man, a true love and hate union. Well what you think? REVIEW please I need inspiration to write!

-PhiloSophe


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